So apparently my current thing is to write a totally random blog post when I’m drunk. Actually, it’s random drunken post when I’m angry and drunk. But I try not to show my anger because that would just make reading this lame. My emotions aren’t for everyone else to know.
I use to meditate a lot back in freshman year. Freshman year was also a tough time for me and meditation help me controll a lot of things. So the combination of angry drunkenness and meditation don’t mix.
I believe that when people think of meditation they think of spiritual enlightenment and general lameness when someone other than a monk is doing it. To me, meditation is a moment of calm. A moment of reflection. A moment when I don’t have to think about everything else that is going on in my life. It’s actually a really wonderful feeling. It’s a state of total relaxation with your mind totally open. It feels like my senses are heightened but the outside world is completely dull. A strange balance between total awareness with a sense of disconnection.
The combination of intoxication and meditation don’t mix though.
That whole feeling of worldless-ness and combined with my lack of balance. Everything just combines and tears each other apart. The moment of relaxation and happiness is ripped apart by the ridiculous-ness of alcohol. You realize all your greatest weakness and all of your greatest faults. The moment of solitude and reflection becomes a moment of realization and anger.
You’re supposed to learn from your mistakes. Your mistakes don’t always affect outwardly and toward your surroundings. I haven’t learned from my mistakes yet. Maybe it’ll all hit me after all my mistakes are done. I’ll probably have a huge moment of “Oh shit” ness and I’ll realize everything.
Now that I think about it. That moment will probably come with my hang over.