Can someone explain this to me?

October 6, 2008

I got slapped in the face this weekend.

Not literally of course, but metaphorically.

Whenever I go home my brother usually gives me some of his old clothes.  Usually shirts, ties, or pants.  But on Sunday October 5th, at 9:29 am, he laid down a huge one.  It was like he took a whole bunch of puppies and kicked them in the face.  A flying kick to an elderly woman’s stomach.  A judo chop to a grown man’s crotch.  It was epic.

He gave me pants with a button fly.

I know what you’re probably scream in your head right now, “A BUTTON FLY!??!  WHO WEARS PANTS WITH A BUTTON FLY??????”.  Of course, that’s exactly what I thought when I woke up with these pants laying next to me.  I almost cried when I inspected the pants only to find three round brass buttons staring right back at me where my crotch should be.

I don’t understand why this type of crotch flap exist.  It’s a lot more inconvenient for me to whip my junk out.  It totally messes with the bathroom zen that I’ve come to attain when using the urinal.  What is usually “Zip-Pee-Zip” has now become, “Unbuckle-fumblefumblefumblefumble-pee-fumblefumblefumblefumble-Buckle”.

Although, I have to admit that these pants do look pretty good.  Now that I’m examining my crotch, it looks a lot nicer than it would with a zipper.  It just lays flatter.  The color of the jeans are exactly what I like.  They are almost becoming my new favorite pair of jeans.

I just wish my fly would stop being such a big cockblock.